Men Who Prefer Masturbation to Sex with

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By Sarah Ott and Robert Redman

First, some background for those of you who have not read any of our
other posts. Sarah and I had a relationship, broke up, then Sarah
contacted me a year after the break-up to find out why. From those
discussions, and our discussions with many friends, and research, we
distilled our thoughts on the secret equations behind successful
relationships. We got to the nitty-gritty about how the minimum
amount of sex you should have, what secrets men and women tend to
keep from each other and other things.

This column is about masturbation. Specifically, it is about men who
prefer to masturbate even when their women are a warm and inviting
woman is available to them. Estimates are that almost all men and
most women masturbate. Men sometimes masturbate several times
each and every day.

What's up with that? Here is the way our initial dialogue went:

Sarah: "I have heard from my girlfriends for years now. They want sex,
they are throwing themselves at their husbands, but the sex has gone
down to, what, once a month. One friend had sex-- I am not lying-- once
a year on her birthday. She was having sex once a year!. Then she found
out he was busy with it on the internet, doing himself 3,4,5 times day! It
didn't make any sense AT ALL".

Robert: "Okay. Sarah. Here's the truth. Women may not like what I am
about to say but it's what's happening.  It's a dirty little secret  that many
prefer masturbation."

Sarah: "Come on. That makes NO SENSE! Why would men prefer to
masturbate when they have a real women there beside them!"

Robert:  "Calm down a minute. Here's the truth. In masturbation, men
can escape into their fantasies. They do not have to worry that their
woman will criticise them. She's not able to say, honey, do it this way, or
honey do it that way. She can't suggest that they do something
differently.   It's the easy, guaranteed, uncomplicated way to get
pleasure. That may not be what you wanted to hear but it is what men
sometimes think."

Article Continues Below.

You might try to find out what his fantasies are. Many men fear being
judged because of their fantasies. Be careful, though. Those fantasies
belong to him, and their exclusivity is part of their appeal to him.

Part of the appeal of masturbation is that it is a reliable friend to a
man's sexual needs. He can depend on it. He needs, it supplies. What
women do not realize is that men have a vulnerability in the way they
regard sex. Remember, we men are built of testosterone. That's a vat
of invincibility.  

When a man realizes that a woman may hold the key to his sexual
satisfaction, he naturally tries to keep a safety in his pocket.
Remember, a Boy Scout stays prepared.
So, in a way, masturbation is his reliable safety.

Another powerful pull is that in masturbation he can play out fantasy.
Fantasy is extremely important to us. We are visual beings. Forget
trying to change that.  It's not meant to be demeaning to women. But
we need to visualize and fantasize about doing it with that one or that
one or that one to feel like men. We were built to hunt. That's a fact.  
Next Page

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Ten Signs He's Going to Leave You

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Ten Reasons You Should Be Glad He's Gone

Friends--How To Tell If You Have One

Liar, Liar-How to Tell When Someone Is Lying
Masturbation Facts

  • 95-98% of men and 56-89% of women have
    masturbated at some point in their lives,
    according to a 1993 study by researchers
    Janus and Janus and a 2002 study by
    researchers Pinkerton, Bogart

  • Male college students reported masturbating
    an average of 4 times per week, 12 times per

  • Female college students reported
    masturbating a little more than 1 time per
    week, 4.7 times per month

  • African Americans report masturbating fewer
    than whites, averaging 62% at some time in
    their lives, compared with 98% of white
    males, in a 2002 study by
    researchersRobinson, Bockting, & Harrell.

  • Of those who live with a sexual partner, 85%
    of men still masturbate and 45% of women
    continue to masturbate, according to a 1994
    study by researchers
Laumann, Gagnon, Michael and Michaels.

  • Masturbation potects against  Prostate Cancer.
    Men who masturbate more than 5 times a
    week in their 20's are 33%  less likely to
    develop the most aggressive form of prostate
    cancer later in life. A 2003 study by Graham
    Giles at the Cancer Council of Victoria in
    Melbourne Australia found that the ejaculate
    helps to "flush" or rid the male body of

  • Masturbation appears to tone the penis by
    exercising the pubococcygeal (PC) muscle,
    commonly known as the "pelvic floor". The PC
    extends from the mons pubis to the anus. You
    use your PC to hold your water, preventing
    urination. Dr. Arnold Kegel a Californian
    obstetrician developed the "Kegel exercises in
    1946 to prevent incontinence. Since then,
    Kegel exercises have been used to tighten the
    vagina after childbirth and to heighten sexual
    pleasure in both men and women.

Healthy Body, Healthy Mind, Healthy Life